With a stale presidential race, that will leave most of the country disappointed in some way, for which old person we have to endure for another four years shows how badly this country needs reform and new ideas as well as someone who can tackle the issues that have long plagued out country. With this in mind, I present my FDR moment, and platform for future: “The BIG Deal”
Sports Issues:
Super Bowl moved to Presidents’ Day weekend
College football – 4 superconferences with relegation
ATLANTIC, SOUTH, MIDWEST, WEST – 10 team divisions- every team plays every team from their division, one cross division opponent, one non-conference, one subtier team; 8 team playoff with best two teams from every conference
FBS Subtier- Same Structure as above- but conference winners get to play worst team from affiliated major superconference
Soccer games played on US soil (WC 2026) stop clock for injuries/time wasting at the 75 minute mark– No more Flopping or time wasting, you commies!
Billionaires pay for their own fuckin’ stadiums
4 point line in basketball (before half court)
NIL participants negotiate and sign multi year contracts to reduce transfers/leaving early
College Basketball: Ratify an amendment that will forbid expansion of NCAA Tournaments beyond 68 teams
Civil Issues:
Sitting President’s Birthday declared a National Holiday- everyone gets the day off – Gotta consider if you want a day off in July or February when you go to the ballots
Tell ‘em about the Aliens (Declassify); Name Tom Delong VP of the Men in Black
Left turns allowed at red lights – assuming the driver does not see ANY cars coming that they could impede. Driver turning left on a red assumes ALL responsibility in the event of an accident
College- must include a trade study as a minor along with a degree
Break up live nation/ticketmaster monopoly on tickets and reduce processing fees
No standing up on airplanes until 3 rows ahead of you is deboarding, punishable by up to 2 years of hard labor; can get a medical exemption if you are taller than 6’ and/or pregnant
Uniform TSA requirements/rules– all airports the same (by size)
All job postings for companies must include a realistic salary range
6/19 (Juneteenth) àLabor Day = Summer hours for all companies = 4 x 9hr work weeks (Fridays or Mondays off)
Must provide proof of ID to register a social media account
No fat chicks (goes without saying)
High speed rail system
NY to Montreal
North Dakota to Mexico
LA to Dallas
Seattle to Minneapolis
Chicago to Atlanta
San Francisco to Vancouver
You may not operate a self-checkout over the age of 70 or if you have more than 20 items
Animal abusers punishable by same crime/act they’ve committed on the animal
“Who smealt it, Dealt it” Becomes legal precedence
Public Education System:
2 years of attending a community college in your home state will grant you enrollment access to a Public university in that state
All Public, 4 year degrees must include a trade minor instead of some bullshit
Curriculum Must include: technology, personal finance, and foreign language- higher level math optional for STEM but not required past trigonometry
National minimum wage for teachers, nurses – attract/build up education system in all states
Judicial/Congressional Issues:
State realignment (40 states):
CT and Rhode Island Merge with Massachusetts (New England South) [48]
VT, NH, ME merge (New England North) [46]
Dakotas merge (Dakota) [45]
Maryland and Delaware merge with New Jersey (New Delaland) [43]
Puerto Rico becomes an official state [44]
Sell Michigan to Canada [43]
California cut in half into two states (NorCal, SoCal) [44]
Kansas and Nebraska merge (Kanbraska) [43]
Idaho, Nevada merge (Nevadaho) [42]
Montana and Wyoming Merge (Wytana) [41]
Alabama and Mississippi Merge (Miassabama) [40]
West Virginia and Virginia Merge (Virginia) [39]
Mars becomes a state (NASA Plants flag on Mars, claiming ownership) [40]
40 States TOTAL
Free abortions – Who doesn’t love Free stuff?!
Welfare requires minimum hours of labor on govt funded projects (infrastructure, cleanup, etc) to receive benefits (medical exemptions apply)
Marijuana, LSD, cocaine and mushrooms can be legally sold distributed by licensed establishments in all 50 states, heavily regulated and taxed. Stricter jail sentences for fentenoyl distribution
National Addiction Services Department created
Congressional terms are 6 years each (to allow time for actual policy change), all elected officials have 2 term limit
Sell the US postal system to Amazon
Give one student in every public school class an assault rifle to protect the class in the event of an active shooter (minimum C+ GPA student to be eligible)
Isreal/Palestine: Land conflict determined by 25 person game of “Red Rover” selected by each side – every participant must be a different age in 4 year increments 0-100 year old
Tax brackets based #of followers across all platforms
Immigration: Reality TV Show hosts seasons where a new person (and family) are granted citizenship based on challenges/Fan vote; Each season features new “Job pool” i.e “All Doctors, all electricians, etc) 2nd and 3rd place finishers are banned from ever receiving citizenship status.
Cap on Prescription Drug Markup Percentage
CauliWobbles 
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